The hour was late, Daddy Wicks was tired, Harry Wicks was tired, Joshy Wicks was tired and Baby Jude was tired. So they all went to bed. Harry and Joshy Wicks went to sleep. Daddy Wicks didn’t.
It was 11pm and Baby Jude began to cry: “Oh no! I can’t stand this.” said Daddy Wicks. So he went into Baby Wicks’s room. Baby Wicks was not asleep, he was laying in bed pretending to be upset about something “Waaaah” he cried. When milk failed to placate the baby Daddy Wicks got up with him and went downstairs to the living room. “Waaaah” went baby Jude again, whilst being force fed Calpol and more milk, before finally going off to sleep in front of Bear Grylls: Born Survivor.
And so off Daddy Wicks went to try and get some sleep in his bedroom.
Around 2am a noise came from Joshy Wicks’s bedroom. “Daaaaaaadddddy, Daaaaaaaadddy” went the little person. “Oh no!” said Daddy Wicks, “I can’t stand this”, so off he went to Joshy Wicks’s room to find the duvet had marginally slipped down his bed exposing an arm and pulling it back up was proving too much for the child to handle. “Thankyou Daddy” went Joshy Wicks, as Daddy Wicks immediately regretted mollycoddling the boy, but was too tired to do anything else and then returned, bleary eyed, to his room.
At 3.30am a familiar noise was heard coming from a nearby bedroom. “Waaaah” went the noise. It was Baby Jude again who couldn’t believe it had been so long since he’d had a drink. With one eye closed Daddy Wicks gave him some more milk before having to change baby Jude’s clothes on account of a significant leakage of poo poo.
“Oh no!” said Daddy Wicks, “I can’t stand this”.
And so he crawled back into bed.
Well you would not believe the noises that came next in the house that night. “Miaow miaow” went Rodney the cat at 5.15am on the stairs. “Purr purr” he continued whilst sitting on Daddy Wicks’s nose. “Oh no!” said Daddy Wicks, “I can’t stand this”. Taking Rodney the cat downstairs and lovingly encouraging him out the back door, Daddy Wicks slumped up the stairs into his now cold bed.
In the house Baby Jude was fast asleep, and Harry Wicks was trumping quietly like a defective whoopie cushion.
Daddy Wicks fell into bed and closed his eyes. “Peace at last!” he said to himself.
6.15am “Brrrrring Brrrrring, Brrrrring Brrrrrring” went the alarm clock. Harry Wicks wandered in and smiled “Good morning Daddy” he said, “Did you sleep well?”
“Not very well buddy” yawned Daddy Wicks.
“Nevermind” said Harry Wicks, “I want to have a nice bowl of Cornflakes.”
And he did.