Play dates

As a single Dad, I’ve discovered one of life’s joys is meeting up with friends for a play date. Or as I like to call them ‘sharing the burden’ dates.

But something I’ve noticed is the difference in playdates with Mummys from those with Daddys. Here are some of my findings:

1. Preparedness

Mummys – Mums come fully laden with clothes for all seasons and any eventuality. If for some reason their child might need to partake in some sub-aqua handgliding whilst out at the park, you better believe Mum will have packed little Frodo’s flippers, wetsuit and snorkel ‘just in case’.

Daddys – Isn’t it enough that we remembered to bring the children!? So what if it’s -43 degrees outside and I only thought to bring Josh a light cardy. Stick his socks on his hands for some makeshift gloves and job’s a good ‘un.

• Visiting the cafe

Mummys– One staple of Mummy play dates is a Mummy’s desperate need for coffee by about 10am (probably because they’ve been up since 5am ensuring everyone got out the house on time). And on almost every occasion, I’ve witnessed the following internal monologue take place whilst in the queue:

“Hmmm should I get a slice of cake? No better not, I had a thimble of overnight oats for breakfast 7 hours ago and I wouldn’t want to spoil it.”
[queue moves forward]
“But that triple chocolate toffee fudge cake does look very good… hypothetically of course I wonder how many syns are in it?” [checks app] “hmmm 12,000… no I had my quota of 5 in that Jammy Dodger before I came out so I’d better not.”
[queues moves again and turns to next Mum]
“Brenda, are you having anything to eat? That cake looks good doesn’t it but I don’t need it. Oh you’re not sure?…what’s that? am I? Hmmm I really shouldn’t, those scales don’t lie. No I’m going to be good today.”
[gets to till]
“A coffee and [pointing at cake cut into perfectly equal slices] just a small piece of the cake thankyou”.

Daddys: The Daddys inner monologue, however, goes something like this:

“Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!”

• Playground capers

Mummys: With Mummys the playground is a much more controlled environment. The kids can enjoy themselves in a safe, nurturing manner, known as ‘Structured Fun’. Everyone will leave in one piece as Mum is always on hand to ensure that the swing is being swung only up to regulation height and the maximum speed of the see-saw is capped at 3upm (upsies per minute).

Daddys: But with Daddys… let’s just say we crank up the saw-saw upm a notch or two. But for the sake of all Mummys, let me reassure you – we don’t let them do anything we wouldn’t do ourselves.